The New Year / Turning 27

So. I know my posts recently have been very depressing and whiney. It happens. I am re-thinking my life right now. I am so glad that 2010 is going bye bye. I'm over it.

This next year will be different. I've got some ideas, some things I am praying about...I want my life to be different. Obviously what I have going on right now is not working for me.

Christmas was good. I was kinda worried, because I was getting so depressed, but...it all changed and I had a lot of fun. The bad thing is that I tend to get depressed when it's over. No more Christmas music, no more presents under the tree, no more lights, etc.

However, this year it's a little different. I am a little depressed that Christmas is over, BUT I can't wait for 2010 to be LONG GONE. Last year was a GREAT year and I didn't want it to end (2009)...but this year it is soooo different.

Bring on 2011. Bring on being old. I'm old. 27 is old. I don't care what anyone says. (My birthday is New Years Day in case you didn't know..)

I have lots of plans for 2011, and I hope they all work out.

PS - I am eating Mexican food and going shopping for my birthday...I can't WAIT! What better way to celebrate?


Happy new year!

My life is crap.

read at your own risk.

I am not happy.
With life, with my career (or lack thereof), with my friends in Jax (oh wait...), with ANYTHING.

I have not been this unhappy in a long time.
I don't know what to do. It's Christmas. I need to be happy. I am TRYING.

I am not happy playing music anymore. There. I said it.

I don't know what to do.

There are so many cliques here. I guess people don't think I'm: A. Spiritual enough B. Normal enough C. Single enough??? I don't know. My "friends" lately have been telling me "We need to hang out! I'm going to call you!".....Lies.

I don't fit in here. People don't understand me. I guess I'm too...crazy? In Lake City people didn't give a crap. Alabama was ideal. Maybe I should move back there.

I need to find my niche.

I am so confused and don't understand what the heck I'm doing.

No judgements please. Blogs are for venting. Sometimes.


I'm going to bed.

Christmas List!

I've been asked by certain family members to make a Christmas list. No matter how old I get, this never gets old. It's soooo fun!

Pete & Pete season 1. I have season 2 and now I must make my collections complete. It's just not the same ordering one disc at a time from Netflix.

Betsey Johnson watch. I love all her stuff!

The new Top Secret Restaurant Recipes cookbook came out! It has the Cracker Barrel chocolate CocaCola cake recipe in it! AHHHH!

Victoria's Secret Bombshell. It smells yummeh.

All of the Hallmark Peanuts (& Disney) ornaments they have out this year.

This necklace from Etsy.com! (Johnny has already been clued in on this one...)

I have always wanted this candle from Anthropologie, but could never bring myself to pay 20 something dollars for it. That's what a Christmas list is for.

Ok...now I want to see some other Christmas lists on here!

November!

It's almost time for one of my favorite holidays. Thanksgiving!

The day starts out with one of the best things ever created...the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Here are a few of my Thanksgiving must-have dishes:

Deviled eggs. People think I am crazy for this...but I LOVE THESE!!

Corn Casserole

GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.

And of course...the turkey and dressing!

And when we're all fat and happy...the Christmas classics begin.

Happy (early) Thanksgiving!

My dream home.

Fun blog time.

Here's my dream home!

My bedroom. I would probably put in wood floors though.

I also like this bedroom. I can't decide.

My lounge area.

I like this bathroom.

But I loooooove this tub.

Kitchen/dining room/living room

There must be a pool and hot tub. The mountains are a plus.

Yes.

If I had a baby girl, this would be her room.

And there you have it. :)

Lately

What a strange couple of months it's been.
It all started on a very stressful Thursday. Work was an absolute nightmare. I had to leave straight from work, go home, get my bass, go to church and practice with a bunch of grumpy old men.

Practice was a nightmare, as expected.
Driving home, traffic was terrible. My road rage started kicking in. I was going about 60 in a 45.

I black out.
I can't breathe.
My heart is pounding out of my chest.
I think I am dying.

I pull into my neighborhood and black out again. I have to pull over. I snap out of it just long enough to make it home.

I go in my room and start hyperventilating. I think I am having a heart attack and about to die. My vision is blurred. I have to lay down. I start crying histerically. This goes on for about 20 minutes.
Finally, I text my mom. "I think I just had a panic attack..."

I have several more for the next couple weeks. This is all new to me. I am scared to get out of bed, leave the house...anything. I am just scared.

Long story short, I have (had) serious anxiety and fear issues that I never knew I had. I have been meeting with a Christian counselor that has been helping me tremendously.

Finally, everything is starting to look up. After being diagnosed with severe anxiety and OCD...things are all starting to make sense and I am going through some healing. The worst is over. Everything is starting to look a little brighter.

I've been having dreams and visions that have confirmed my deliverance from these stupid demons. It's crazy.

Now I am just trying to figure out what my future holds. Right now everything is changing, things are not happening like I always thought they were...and I just have to put all my faith in Jesus because he's the only one who really knows.


We'll see what happens.