Tuesday, October 26, 2010


What a strange couple of months it's been.
It all started on a very stressful Thursday. Work was an absolute nightmare. I had to leave straight from work, go home, get my bass, go to church and practice with a bunch of grumpy old men.

Practice was a nightmare, as expected.
Driving home, traffic was terrible. My road rage started kicking in. I was going about 60 in a 45.

I black out.
I can't breathe.
My heart is pounding out of my chest.
I think I am dying.

I pull into my neighborhood and black out again. I have to pull over. I snap out of it just long enough to make it home.

I go in my room and start hyperventilating. I think I am having a heart attack and about to die. My vision is blurred. I have to lay down. I start crying histerically. This goes on for about 20 minutes.
Finally, I text my mom. "I think I just had a panic attack..."

I have several more for the next couple weeks. This is all new to me. I am scared to get out of bed, leave the house...anything. I am just scared.

Long story short, I have (had) serious anxiety and fear issues that I never knew I had. I have been meeting with a Christian counselor that has been helping me tremendously.

Finally, everything is starting to look up. After being diagnosed with severe anxiety and OCD...things are all starting to make sense and I am going through some healing. The worst is over. Everything is starting to look a little brighter.

I've been having dreams and visions that have confirmed my deliverance from these stupid demons. It's crazy.

Now I am just trying to figure out what my future holds. Right now everything is changing, things are not happening like I always thought they were...and I just have to put all my faith in Jesus because he's the only one who really knows.

We'll see what happens.


  1. In my early teens I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD.
    So I really know how you feel.
    They all seem to be connected because when one gets out of control I can feel the others start to spiral as well.
    The OCD is frustrating and makes me so angry, I try to reason with myself but sometimes I still give in and act out my compulsions.
    I've seen a counselor, read all the books, etc. It takes time to get a grip on it all.
    I will say that there are times I feel 'cured' I will go weeks or months and feel mostly fine... and then something will happen and I wake up back in that old boat.
    Good luck!!!!

  2. Trish I didn't know you knew my sister!

    haha... I was just going to say, tell those hellhounds to get off your trail or I'm going to beat them to death with the Holy Ghost.
    That's not even a joke, this actually makes me mad that all this happened.

  3. I dont know your sister... I just saw her on your blog... haha I'm a stalker.

  4. Hi Trish...thanks for the input. Good to know I'm not the only one. Stalkers are always welcome. Hehe. Jessica prayer is always welcome I take all that I can get these days