The New Year / Turning 27

So. I know my posts recently have been very depressing and whiney. It happens. I am re-thinking my life right now. I am so glad that 2010 is going bye bye. I'm over it.

This next year will be different. I've got some ideas, some things I am praying about...I want my life to be different. Obviously what I have going on right now is not working for me.

Christmas was good. I was kinda worried, because I was getting so depressed, but...it all changed and I had a lot of fun. The bad thing is that I tend to get depressed when it's over. No more Christmas music, no more presents under the tree, no more lights, etc.

However, this year it's a little different. I am a little depressed that Christmas is over, BUT I can't wait for 2010 to be LONG GONE. Last year was a GREAT year and I didn't want it to end (2009)...but this year it is soooo different.

Bring on 2011. Bring on being old. I'm old. 27 is old. I don't care what anyone says. (My birthday is New Years Day in case you didn't know..)

I have lots of plans for 2011, and I hope they all work out.

PS - I am eating Mexican food and going shopping for my birthday...I can't WAIT! What better way to celebrate?


Happy new year!

My life is crap.

read at your own risk.

I am not happy.
With life, with my career (or lack thereof), with my friends in Jax (oh wait...), with ANYTHING.

I have not been this unhappy in a long time.
I don't know what to do. It's Christmas. I need to be happy. I am TRYING.

I am not happy playing music anymore. There. I said it.

I don't know what to do.

There are so many cliques here. I guess people don't think I'm: A. Spiritual enough B. Normal enough C. Single enough??? I don't know. My "friends" lately have been telling me "We need to hang out! I'm going to call you!".....Lies.

I don't fit in here. People don't understand me. I guess I'm too...crazy? In Lake City people didn't give a crap. Alabama was ideal. Maybe I should move back there.

I need to find my niche.

I am so confused and don't understand what the heck I'm doing.

No judgements please. Blogs are for venting. Sometimes.


I'm going to bed.

Christmas List!

I've been asked by certain family members to make a Christmas list. No matter how old I get, this never gets old. It's soooo fun!

Pete & Pete season 1. I have season 2 and now I must make my collections complete. It's just not the same ordering one disc at a time from Netflix.

Betsey Johnson watch. I love all her stuff!

The new Top Secret Restaurant Recipes cookbook came out! It has the Cracker Barrel chocolate CocaCola cake recipe in it! AHHHH!

Victoria's Secret Bombshell. It smells yummeh.

All of the Hallmark Peanuts (& Disney) ornaments they have out this year.

This necklace from Etsy.com! (Johnny has already been clued in on this one...)

I have always wanted this candle from Anthropologie, but could never bring myself to pay 20 something dollars for it. That's what a Christmas list is for.

Ok...now I want to see some other Christmas lists on here!

November!

It's almost time for one of my favorite holidays. Thanksgiving!

The day starts out with one of the best things ever created...the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Here are a few of my Thanksgiving must-have dishes:

Deviled eggs. People think I am crazy for this...but I LOVE THESE!!

Corn Casserole

GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.

And of course...the turkey and dressing!

And when we're all fat and happy...the Christmas classics begin.

Happy (early) Thanksgiving!

My dream home.

Fun blog time.

Here's my dream home!

My bedroom. I would probably put in wood floors though.

I also like this bedroom. I can't decide.

My lounge area.

I like this bathroom.

But I loooooove this tub.

Kitchen/dining room/living room

There must be a pool and hot tub. The mountains are a plus.

Yes.

If I had a baby girl, this would be her room.

And there you have it. :)

Lately

What a strange couple of months it's been.
It all started on a very stressful Thursday. Work was an absolute nightmare. I had to leave straight from work, go home, get my bass, go to church and practice with a bunch of grumpy old men.

Practice was a nightmare, as expected.
Driving home, traffic was terrible. My road rage started kicking in. I was going about 60 in a 45.

I black out.
I can't breathe.
My heart is pounding out of my chest.
I think I am dying.

I pull into my neighborhood and black out again. I have to pull over. I snap out of it just long enough to make it home.

I go in my room and start hyperventilating. I think I am having a heart attack and about to die. My vision is blurred. I have to lay down. I start crying histerically. This goes on for about 20 minutes.
Finally, I text my mom. "I think I just had a panic attack..."

I have several more for the next couple weeks. This is all new to me. I am scared to get out of bed, leave the house...anything. I am just scared.

Long story short, I have (had) serious anxiety and fear issues that I never knew I had. I have been meeting with a Christian counselor that has been helping me tremendously.

Finally, everything is starting to look up. After being diagnosed with severe anxiety and OCD...things are all starting to make sense and I am going through some healing. The worst is over. Everything is starting to look a little brighter.

I've been having dreams and visions that have confirmed my deliverance from these stupid demons. It's crazy.

Now I am just trying to figure out what my future holds. Right now everything is changing, things are not happening like I always thought they were...and I just have to put all my faith in Jesus because he's the only one who really knows.


We'll see what happens.

:-(

I have not been a very good blogger.

Don't worry...a lot has been going on and my next post will be deep and informative.

Goodnight.

20 Things

Today's post is "20 of my favorite things".

I am really behind.

My kitties...Travis and Sugar! (Do they count as 2 things???)

CHIPS AND SALSA (AND QUESO)

Yankee Candles

Stickers. I have hundreds. Don't judge.

90's music videos. I want to make a "mix dvd" of these. Is that possible?

Mix cds/tapes...whatever you want to call them these days

MEXICAN FOOD EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE FOREVER AND EVER AMEN

Journals. This is another thing I have too many of. Johnny made a comment the other day that I have "about 100" journals. He is a drama queen. I have maybe 3/4 of that. Hehe

2 of my favorite things in 1. Hello Kitty and M.A.C. makeup. OBSESSIONS

CUPCAKES

90's music everyday of my life

Hallmark ornaments.

Disney World at Christmas Time!! YEEEAAHHH!!!

This speaks for itself.

I don't know if that was 20 things or not but I am not going back and counting. Hope this was a good bloggyblog.

PEACE!!!

I need to catch up...

I am going to do my favorite books and quotes in one...since I do not have very many of those.

Everyone needs to read this book.

This one too. I LOVE this book. It helps you realize that you are not crazy.

I need more book recommendations. Help.

I don't really have many favorite quotes. The only "quotes" I have been into lately have been on a pro-life website that I am a "fan" of on Facebook. These have been my favorite quotes:

Life begins at conception and ends at Planned Parenthood.

It's a womb not a tomb....

Choose life, your mom did.

‎"A person's a person, no matter how small." - Dr Seuss

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Proverbs 31:8-9

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.
-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

It's a child, not a choice!

There are so many more...but I will stop there. This is an issue I think about all the time and I love reading these quotes that they post everyday.

Television

Ok. So I realize that most of these shows don't come on anymore. But...I do have a few of them on DVD...which I still watch. Not all...but a few. If you ever find any of these on DVD...please let me know!

Pop Up Video. This was a middle school favorite.

The Adventures of Pete & Pete. I have season 2. I need season 1. Christmas is coming up. COUGH COUGH

Life obsession.

Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast was one of the best shows ever created. I have one of the seasons on DVD. Can't remember which one. Don't feel like getting up to look.

I LOVE LOONEY TUNES!!! I miss that show. It makes me fall asleep. In a good way. This is something else I would like on DVD. I have a few scattered episodes on some of those dollar DVDs you get at Wal Mart.

Ok. I watch this show EVERY DAY. It comes on all day long. I usually watch 2-3 episodes a day. Yes, I am a little obsessed.

This show is extremely sick but addicting.

WHO REMEMBERS THIS SHOW?!?!?!?!

DDDOOOOOOUUUUGGGGG!

Yes, I am into cartoons. And yes, I'm 26. It's ok.

Peace out.