Tuesday, November 30, 2010

read at your own risk.

I am not happy.
With life, with my career (or lack thereof), with my friends in Jax (oh wait...), with ANYTHING.

I have not been this unhappy in a long time.
I don't know what to do. It's Christmas. I need to be happy. I am TRYING.

I am not happy playing music anymore. There. I said it.

I don't know what to do.

There are so many cliques here. I guess people don't think I'm: A. Spiritual enough B. Normal enough C. Single enough??? I don't know. My "friends" lately have been telling me "We need to hang out! I'm going to call you!".....Lies.

I don't fit in here. People don't understand me. I guess I'm too...crazy? In Lake City people didn't give a crap. Alabama was ideal. Maybe I should move back there.

I need to find my niche.

I am so confused and don't understand what the heck I'm doing.

No judgements please. Blogs are for venting. Sometimes.

I'm going to bed.


  1. I understand how you feel.
    I never fit in. When I was single I didnt fit in, when I was married I didnt fit in, divorced I dont fit in. In my jobs, hobbies, etc... I dont fit it.
    I'm just not cool enough.
    However, I think you are awesome.
    Good luck

  2. I hope your feeling better, but I understand the "alien from another planet" feeling. I felt like I fit in, in lake city, and in Sonora, Ca but I just don't fit in in south florida. I'm too deep, too honest, that and I just think weird or something. I haven't gotten to the other side yet. Where you feel like its okay your weird b/c God made you like that for a reason and you have so much confidence in Him and His love that, what people think doesn't matter....nope not there yet, look forward to that. I'm sorry your music is no longer bringing you solace but I know how that can be too. But I hope you will find a few special people that are real friends, its taken a while but God blessed me with a few and things will look up. Feeling bummed out is just an indication and provocation to change something, and pray...that really helps me. :) Merry Christmas .............my blog is
    beautiful-eccentricity@blogspot.com nothing profound, just random thoughts lol